Today the local P. A., Sheriff Con Nero- what a name for a cop, right? It’s short for Constantine, but still! – Con Nero visited me at the dorm. He asked me to stick around after I get my degree- says he can get me a job on the local paper. Really? I’m majoring in ADVERTISING, for heaven’s sake. I know how little reporters get paid- not interested!- but he says we need someone in the media to help keep Our things quiet.
I didn’t commit one way or the other- you don’t say no to the PA- but I gotta say I don’t care for the offer. Our people here aren’t just old-fashioned, they’re reactionary. The first H. I attend they actually have a trial by combat! Nero actually fought this blond kid, couple years younger than me, for the right to P.A.! Maybe we did that back in the days before Archie Hunt, but this is the 1980s! We put man on the moon, we can bring democracy to Our people!
I know it’s better that we guys leave home and move someplace else- widen the breeding pool, as mom says- but I don’t think this is a good place for me. I’m actually liking my classmates better than Our people here. The only person I met at H. who wasn’t cheering for someone in the fight or pushing some other petty power play on me just wanted to jump my bones. I mean, yes, she’s not bad, but she’s more than twice my age. And her husband and eldest son were not twenty feet away when she propositioned me! REALLY! I know I’m the liberal in the family, but even you ought to be appalled by this.
About the only one of Our people I’m comfortable with here is this girl named Carla. I didn’t see her at H., but I’ve seen her around the college a lot. She’s studying up for a pharmacy degree- going to take over the family business when she gets out of school. She’s a joker- I don’t think she was serious more than five minutes total all the times I’ve met her combined- but I definitely like her better than anybody else I’ve met here.
Well, except for the last time I saw her. Day before yesterday she met me on the sidewalk between classes. She pulled a bottle of some really awful perfume out of her purse and sprayed me with it- I mean HOSED ME DOWN with the stuff. She said she was “marking her territory,” and if I didn’t like it she’d do it more traditionally in private. I don’t know if that was a come-on or what, but I do know I stank like the women’s Bible study at a Methodist church all day.
And my point is, she’s the smartest and sanest of Our people here.
I do not envy Sheriff Nero his job. You could not pay me enough to be PA here. You’d have to be a complete IDIOT to want the job!
